No one ever said life was easy. In my opinion, nothing in life is easy, including marriage. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, living together for 3 years and married for a little over 1 year (so obviously I’m an expert!).
In all honesty, I understand why people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, BUT… I think that’s because ‘in the olden days’ couples didn’t live together until marriage. In our case the first year we lived together was the hardest.
We had been in a long distance relationship, only an hour away which isn’t TOO bad, but we had horrible work schedules. Once we moved in together, our expectations were NOT on the same page. In fact, I don’t even think we were in the same LIBRARY. He was expecting “June Clever” and I was expecting someone like my dad. Someone that would see what needed to be done and just do it, floors and showers included. Man, were we wrong!
I’m not going to pretend that we didn’t argue over stupid things, like cleaning and cooking, or who’s “JOB” it was. Ohmigosh, that first year…. I didn’t think we were going to make it. There were even times where I didn’t WANT to make it. I couldn’t bear the thought of living with “HIM” for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t have any hair, and a girl needs her hair!!!
Then something happened. I think we were both at our wits end. We had a blowout fight, our best friends were getting married, my now husband never saw marriage in his future, etc. We took some time to ourselves (never leaving our house, besides work…) and just thought about what we needed and wanted out of life. We had a heart to heart talk and were able to communicate and listen, without yelling.
My husband has a funky way of processing his thoughts. I could say something so simple, such as, “Can you please put your clothes away?” and it would go right over his head. (If my husband is reading this, I’m exaggerating on this statement, but it is something as silly as this…) I could ask a few different ways, and still nothing. Finally, I could say, “I took our laundry downstairs, washed, dried and folded it. Do you think you could take YOUR clothes and put them away, please?” BAM! DONE! What the heck? How is that any different than the other 5 times I asked? To that, I’ll never know. The point is that everyone communicates a little different.
Our life since becoming married has been great. There’s been a few ‘blips’ where we wondered if we made the right decision for the rest of our lives, but 1) they are very few and far between and 2) last MAYBE 2 hours. Once we’re able to calm down, we’re good to go.
I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I 100% disagree, especially in marriage. Your single friends want to be married. Your married friends miss the single life. (NOT ALL OF THEM, but I bet there’s a few…)
“THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT”
Just like everything else in life, where you spend time ‘nourishing’, is where something is going to be ‘greener’. You can’t skate through your professional life and expect raises and promotions. Same goes for your marriage/relationships. You have to want to spend the time making things better. You’ll have to change some of your ways to become a better “TOGETHER”. To me, marriage isn’t a TRIAL & ERROR thing. It’s a ONE AND DONE thing.
(DISCLAIMER: I understand that there are cases where divorce is the best thing. I’m not, by any means, saying in unhealthy relationships that you should stay. I’ve been there, done that, and the best thing to do is GET THE HECK OUT…)
MORAL OF THIS POST: Don’t just walk when the tough gets going. If you truly LOVE the person, spend ALL the time in the world working on that relationship. You’ll cherish it more in the long run.