Marriage — Is it for everyone? Is it for YOU?

No one ever said life was easy.  In my opinion, nothing in life is easy, including marriage.  My husband and I have been together for 6 years, living together for 3 years and married for a little over 1 year (so obviously I’m an expert!).

In all honesty, I understand why people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, BUT… I think that’s because ‘in the olden days’ couples didn’t live together until marriage.  In our case the first year we lived together was the hardest.

We had been in a long distance relationship, only an hour away which isn’t TOO bad, but we had horrible work schedules.  Once we moved in together, our expectations were NOT on the same page.  In fact, I don’t even think we were in the same LIBRARY.  He was expecting “June Clever” and I was expecting someone like my dad.  Someone that would see what needed to be done and just do it, floors and showers included.  Man, were we wrong!

I’m not going to pretend that we didn’t argue over stupid things, like cleaning and cooking, or who’s “JOB” it was.  Ohmigosh, that first year….  I didn’t think we were going to make it.  There were even times where I didn’t WANT to make it.  I couldn’t bear the thought of living with “HIM” for the rest of my life.  I wouldn’t have any hair, and a girl needs her hair!!!

Then something happened.  I think we were both at our wits end.  We had a blowout fight, our best friends were getting married, my now husband never saw marriage in his future, etc.  We took some time to ourselves (never leaving our house, besides work…) and just thought about what we needed and wanted out of life.  We had a heart to heart talk and were able to communicate and listen, without yelling.

My husband has a funky way of processing his thoughts.  I could say something so simple, such as, “Can you please put your clothes away?” and it would go right over his head.  (If my husband is reading this, I’m exaggerating on this statement, but it is something as silly as this…)  I could ask a few different ways, and still nothing.  Finally, I could say, “I took our laundry downstairs, washed, dried and folded it.  Do you think you could take YOUR clothes and put them away, please?”  BAM!  DONE!  What the heck?  How is that any different than the other 5 times I asked?  To that, I’ll never know.  The point is that everyone communicates a little different.

Our life since becoming married has been great.  There’s been a few ‘blips’ where we wondered if we made the right decision for the rest of our lives, but 1) they are very few and far between and 2) last MAYBE 2 hours.  Once we’re able to calm down, we’re good to go.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side.”  I 100% disagree, especially in marriage.  Your single friends want to be married.  Your married friends miss the single life.  (NOT ALL OF THEM, but I bet there’s a few…)

“THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT”

                Just like everything else in life, where you spend time ‘nourishing’, is where something is going to be ‘greener’.  You can’t skate through your professional life and expect raises and promotions.  Same goes for your marriage/relationships.  You have to want to spend the time making things better.  You’ll have to change some of your ways to become a better “TOGETHER”.  To me, marriage isn’t a TRIAL & ERROR thing.  It’s a ONE AND DONE thing.

(DISCLAIMER:  I understand that there are cases where divorce is the best thing.  I’m not, by any means, saying in unhealthy relationships that you should stay.  I’ve been there, done that, and the best thing to do is GET THE HECK OUT…)

MORAL OF THIS POST:  Don’t just walk when the tough gets going.  If you truly LOVE the person, spend ALL the time in the world working on that relationship.  You’ll cherish it more in the long run.

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I’d planned —

How’s everyone holding up?  Enjoying the weather?  Here in NW Oregon, we are having the OCTOBER of our lives.  It was almost 90 degrees out yesterday.  The weather around here is a definite CATCH-22.  It’s hot.  LOVE IT.  I’ve been able to wear my shorts and tank tops on the weekends and even at work (if it’s going to be 85 and up), BUT… huge but here…  I’m ready for my leggings, long sleeved shirts and puffy vest, my tall rubber boots, cuddling under a blanket with my husband, little man and baby belly.  (Speaking of baby belly, we FINALLY told my family this past weekend.  We still haven’t told my husband’s family because his mother isn’t feeling well and we don’t want our son around ‘sickies’.  I’m 13 weeks already!)  Here’s where the BIG BUT comes in….once it starts to cool down, we will be in our rainy “season” that lasts 6-8 months.

There’s a possibility that I’m exaggerating slightly, but if you lived here, you’d know that I’d hit the nail on the head.  It rains, and rains and RAINS here like it’s going out of style.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the rain and what it does to our surroundings.  It’s beautiful, green, filled with trees, etc. but it’s dark from the moment I wake up to the moment I get off work.  The days last forever, plus it’s my slow season at work, making the days seem even LONGER.

For whatever reason, people around here forget how to drive in the rain.  The 5 months of absolutely beautiful weather is like driving amnesia for everyone.  It takes a good few months for everyone to adjust.

 

In all honesty, I’d planned on writing about marriage and how trying it can be.  Lately, I’ve become a friend’s therapist for her rollercoaster marriage and it’s really helped me to open my eyes to my own.  Instead, I started rambling on about the weather and how silly it is that Oregonians haven’t mastered driving in the rain….

So, for now we will blame Pregnancy Brain! 🙂

 

Have a great day and I’ll be checking in again soon!

 

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Pregnancy Update — 11 weeks, 3 days — and why today was a bad day!

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Earlier this week, we had our first appt. to see the little Gummy Bear (“GB”, for short) we’ve got growing right in that belly of mine.  I can’t begin to explain the feeling I get when I see the little GB swim around in there…and then the moment you hear the heart beat for the first time… My heart melts and then the tears come.

Pretty amazing to say the least.  I can’t wait to share the news with everyone.  Speaking of…  I don’t think there’s been a member of either one of our families that haven’t asked if we’re pregnant lately.  Seriously?   I look down and see a “I ate a LITTLE too much pasta/carbs” belly, not a baby belly.  Maybe I’m in denial?  Oh well.  I’ve successfully lied to ALL members of the family, only to turn around in a couple weeks and FINALLY spill the beans.

On to today…  I will warn you now that this is just a rant.   I absolutely love my job and the people I work with (usually).  After I had my son, he was able to come to work with me for the first month I came back to work.  He was only here for an hour in the morning and an hour and a half in the afternoon, but still, that’s pretty cool.  Plus, he was an extremely easy baby and I was only able to take off 5 weeks.  I have to save all of my sick/vacation time and that’s what I use as my maternity leave.  BOO!  At that time, we couldn’t afford for me to NOT work, so we were stuck. (THE ITALICS SECTION IS VERY IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER WHEN READING THE REST OF THIS RANT.) We will see what this one holds, because…

THE REASON WHY TODAY SUCKED:  I had my doctors appt. Monday.  I took a late lunch and still had an hour and a 15 minutes to make up by ‘donating’ half of my lunch hour to work.  My District Manager (we will call JASON) has NEVER had a problem with this.  The Office Manager (we will call MARK), that’s another story.  He always gets some sort of bee up his bonnet about it.  It almost instantly pisses him off.  He’s told me a couple times that I can’t make up my time anymore, but when I talk to the JASON, he doesn’t have a problem with it.  Needless to say, today MARK tells me I can’t work through my lunch hours again.  WHIPLASH.  I tell him, “When I was having my back problems IN APRIL, I talked to JASON, and he said that was ok.  If it was the same day, I could take an early/late lunch and if I was making up time, I had 30 minutes during my lunch hour to donate.  Not the whole hour.”  “Well, I talked to him yesterday and you can’t do it anymore.”  I was instantly pissed because this is LITERALLY the FOURTH time he and I have had this conversation.  Mark always telling me one thing and Jason telling me the opposite.  Needless to say, I do NOT trust Mark!

I know what you’re thinking, “This is so petty.  So, you can’t make up your time.  It’s not the end of the world…”  I totally hear what you’re saying.  I will have you know that I AGREE, 100%.  The reason why my feathers got  all ruffled up is because MARK just walks out of the office for anywhere between 20 minutes and 4 hours.  He doesn’t say where he’s going, doesn’t have anything in his hands when he leaves or returns, no receipts, etc.  I’m the only one in the office because our ‘worker bees’ are out and about all day.  I’m ok with this, as well.  The part I’m not ok with is the fact that he doesn’t report any VACATION/SICK time on his timecard.  He’s had doctor appointments that he’s been gone for 3 hours and only writes down 1 hour, if any.  Earlier this month, I took a Friday off to do a doTERRA Essential Oil event.  I know for a FACT that he was mad I’d taken the day off because he had a scheduled maintenance with his cable company planned for that day.  He had one of our ‘worker bees’ come and answer phones/hold down the fort while he was at the house waiting between 12 & 2 for them to show up, then waiting for them to complete the work.   I look at his timecard and he says he was here for 8 hours and I know dang well he wasn’t.  He even told me that he wasn’t here the whole day!!!  WTH!?!?!

The point I’m (immaturely) getting at is that at least I’m trying to make up the time I was gone in a HONORABLE way.  I’m not ‘stealing’ from the company and saying I worked when I clearly wasn’t at work.  Literally, I have a record of EVERY TIME he leaves and returns since the beginning of the year.  Example: Every pay day, we get our paychecks before lunch, yet, he leaves anywhere from 20-60 minutes every payday afternoon to go deposit his check.  Why can’t he do that on his lunch hour like everyone else?  He has no kids at the house to check on, his mom still makes his lunch before she leaves in the morning after taking his kids to school, she also makes dinner for them and cleans the house.  (He’s 39, BTW!!!)  So, why must you take COMPANY TIME to complete PERSONAL ERRANDS?

Moral of the story:  What MARK is doing isn’t professional.  It’s a low grade form of fraud and it’s been happening a lot since Jason partially retired and only works during the morning hours. I couldn’t wait until my maternity leave in 2012 because I’d had enough of it.  Last year, I wanted to say something as well, but thought differently which is why I decided to make a notebook of all the times he leaves during the day, work related or not.  A trip to Costco and Ace should not take 4 hours even if you WALKED there.

UGH.  If anyone had any advice, or words of wisdom, I’d love to hear them.  TRUST ME!!!

On a beautiful end note — My son, no matter how we ask him, wants a sister/girl.  🙂  Melts my heart.  He’s going to be the best big brother EVER!

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The Hardest Part of Pregnancy (so far) — 7 weeks

Don’t hate me, but I still don’t feel pregnant!  I feel 100% myself, except more hungry and EXTREMELY TIRED.  I eat pretty healthily usually, but I have been drowning myself in carbs lately.  Cereal, sandwiches, toast, etc.  It’s like my body is making up for the 2 months I wasn’t really eating carbs.  Either way, I’m ok with it.  As long as I’m happy & healthy, baby is happy & healthy and the rest of my family (husband and son) are happy & healthy, then I’d say we’re doing pretty dang good!

I know, I know.  My blog title talks about the hardest part of pregnancy and I’m going ON AND ON about how normal and not pregnant I feel.  What’s up?!?  False advertising?  NOPE, not even close.  This time around things ARE different.  For one, we still have NOT TOLD ANYONE we were expecting.  There’s no rhyme or reason other than I want to do a cute announcement and need the sonogram pic to do so.  (If I were smart, I’d use the sonogram from when I was pregnant with my son since no one will know.  A “Jelly Bean” is a “Jelly Bean”, right?)  We don’t get that picture until September 23rd.  By the time I get my cute announcement done, it’ll be closer to the first week of October, which will be 13 weeks.  Last time, we told our immediate family members, who swore to pregnancy (Pregnancy brain is real, people! 🙂 ) secrecy, within two days of finding out.  Within 13 days, we had our names picked out.  NOT THIS TIME.  

I bring you, the HARDEST PART OF PREGNANCY (so far):

1)  We don’t want a name that everyone else has used/will be using.  Example:  Jax, Jaxon, Jaxson.  I know no less than 6 people that have son’s with a variation of that name.   Even our son’s name, which we’d never heard before, is making it’s way towards being a “Popular name”….ugh.  So much for THAT.

2)  We don’t want some funky spelling, but we do want to be original.  Both my husband and I will never be able to find those silly little key chains, mugs, etc. with our names on them.  Obviously, a girl named Randi isn’t very common, so I get not being able to find my name, but my husbands (Daren).  That seems silly.  It’s always Darren.  That just looks funny to me (probably because I’ve seen it spelled the other way for 6+ years now).

3)  We like non-convential names.  I like boy names for girls.  Mostly because if I heard Randi, I knew it was me.  I do HATE the fact that no one ever hears me correctly.  I even stress the RRRR and I still get “Brandi”, but I get it.  Randi is an ‘odd’ name.  I love it, plus there’s a story behind it.  What I don’t get, people calling me “Amy”.  Um…???

4)  The fact that no names have stuck with either of us is kind of bumming me out a little.  We won’t be finding out the gender, as we want the surprise.  This will be the only thing that we can get that neither of us know what’s coming, and that’s both exciting and nerve wracking.  Luckily, I have all the boy clothes from our little one and my sister has a garage full of girl clothes she’s been saving (hopefully for good reason) for me.  I’m wondering if because we aren’t finding out the gender, if we’ll really be able to pick out names?  Has anyone else not found out the gender but managed to find names they loved, that also fit?

 

Has anyone reading NOT found out what they’re having, but manage to pick out the PERFECT NAME before hand?  

What are your favorite names?  Help me name our child! 🙂

 

Hope you all have a great rest of the week and a SAFE Labor Day Weekend!

 

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Having Trouble Focusing —

A few months ago, I totally got turned onto the doTERRA Essential Oils.  About 10 years ago, I went through a really rough patch in life.   I was extremely depressed, suffered from anxiety and insomnia.   After struggling for a few months, my family finally pushed me into making a doctor’s appt.  It was then that I was diagnosed with ADHD (more so the Hyperactivity Disorder).

I started taking pills to help ‘even’ my moods out and to help me sleep.  Once I figured out the correct time to take the pills, I was relieved.  But, I also knew I didn’t want to be on them forever.

It took a few months, but I was able to ween myself from them.  I felt healthy, happy and BALANCED.  Years later, I run into doTERRA and have a Zyto scan done.  A Zyto Scan is a machine that looks like a fancy computer mouse that will send electrical currents (that you don’t feel) through your body and will produce a report letting you know where you’re out of sync.  Your body has 76 points to measure and some people are out a few and others are out of sync a LOT.  Personally, I was out 26.  22 of those points were due to my ADHD (lack of focus).  To rectify that, it was recommended that I try “In Tune”.

Lucky for me, it’s 10% off this month.  SCORE!  I received it last month and started using it right away.  It’s in a rollerball application and I can apply it as often as needed.  I’ve found that application in the morning is best for me.  I apply it to the back of my neck, between my shoulders and behind my ears.

This stuff is wonderful.  I get to work and I’m on point.  I don’t spend the first hour TRYING to get into a groove.  If I feel like I’m wearing down or losing focus, I grab the rollerball and apply again.  A minute later and I”m right back at it.  It’s amazing.

 

For anyone that’s contemplating trying doTERRA Essentail Oils, please ask any questions you might have.

For anyone interested in receiving samples for any ailment you may have, please, get in touch with me.  My favorite thing about doing “doTERRA” is helping people.  You aren’t bugging.  I like the challenge.  Lets get EVERYONE to 100%!

 

http://www.mydoterra.com/randiackerman/

TO SEARCH YOUR AILMENT :  http://www.neweverythingessential.me  (this site is ADDICTING!)

 

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5 Weeks, 3 Days —

Monday night, I went to my workout class and drove around to two different stores looking for a shirt or anything that said “Big Brother” so I could tell my husband that we’re expanding our little family by “TWO FEET”!

What I found was NOTHING!  No bibs, no shirts, no books… Not even a baby book for me to record everything in like I did with the first pregnancy.  Are you freakin’ kidding?!?!  So, I made due.  I got a plain white shirt and some fat sharpie markers and went to town.  It looked horrible, but, he got the picture.  (BY THE WAY, shirts are hard to write on with Sharpie.  It doesn’t matter how TIGHT you get the shirt while writing.)

My husband’s reaction was so cute.  He read little man’s shirt and looked at me with a HUGE grin, “You’re pregnant?” “Ironic eh, since I said yesterday there would be NO MORE children for us.” “Seriously?” “Yes, I’m pregnant.”  By then, he was giving me the biggest hug and telling me congratulations (like it was a one person deal…  I’ll give him “THE TALK” later.)  and we walked into the bathroom and I took out the ‘pregnant stick’.  Of course, he wants to know when I found out.  If he would have had his thoughts together, he’d know that I can NOT keep secrets and the fact that I’d found out 7 hours prior is a HUGE feat.  “During my lunch today.  I don’t know why, but I decided to take a test.  I didn’t feel like I was going to start but I’m just a couple days late.”

We’ve decided to wait until AFTER the first trimester to tell our families and we (I) already have it all planned out.  I can’t wait to share the pictures, when the time comes, but you’ll have to wait until October.

So far, this pregnancy is exactly like the first pregnancy.  I do NOT feel pregnant.  I’ve not had an ounce of sickness (WOOHOO).  In fact, my last pregnancy, I told my mom “I think we should get another test.  I don’t think I’m pregnant anymore…I just don’t feel any different.  Shouldn’t pregnancy feel different than normal?”   I’m still working out, but just watching myself.

After talking to the doctor yesterday, she said that I had the green light to keep exercising like I have been.  Just, no weighted bars over my belly area and keep my heart rate 150 or below.  Yesterday, I didn’t have my heart monitor because it needed a new battery. I’d read that if you can still workout and talk/aren’t short of breath, you’re golden.  Luckily, yesterday’s workout wasn’t like usual, due to the heat.  SCORE!

One workout done, MANY MANY MORE to come.

Thanks for following!

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I’m still alive… Did you miss me?!?!

  In case you missed yesterday’s post, I’M PREGNANT!  I’m 5 weeks and 2 days (TOTALLY AWARE OF HOW LAME that sounds) along, and besides my two best friends that live at least 3 hours away and my husband, YOU are the only other person that knows.  Actually, that’s a lie because I told my Crossfit-ish Coach yesterday, too.  It will be a secret until we make it through the first trimester.  Call us crazy for waiting so long to share such wonderful news, but that’s what we’ve chose to do.

  I absolutely LOVE fitness.  I LOVE having my butt kicked by a workout.  I have even been contemplating starting up a private Pilates class at my house after a couple friends said they could use it.  I taught Pilates for 5 years and have never had a better body, even after doing Crossfit-ish classes for 5 months, I’m not sore after EVERY CLASS like I was with Pilates. That could be a great thing for me, especially right now while it’s still ok for me to workout like I have been.

  When I first started my blog, I was just getting back into fitness, and I wanted my blog to help keep me motivated.  I think it could be even more motivating if I were to post pictures to keep me honest, which I’m thinking about doing, especially now that I’m pregnant.  I didn’t start out with pictures because I was afraid of having too much of my life….”out there”.  Everyone that breathes can now read my blog, which IS the point (very aware of that), but it’s also the thing holding me back.  Making the transition might be a little difficult for me, but please stick with me.  Let me know what I’m missing, what you want to see, what you don’t want to see anymore…

   The point is to make the readers happy and hopefully help motivate others.

 

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